Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Monday, March 16, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
And... ?
So here I am, 2:34pm on Monday, March 9th, 2009, sitting in the office, stressing over a spreadsheet that will track the path of "lost" grant money allotted to us by the county. And I could not care any less than I do right now. At least I don't think so. If this money is not accounted for, the department I work in could be in dire straits and lose many jobs (mine among them), and the school on a larger scale, will likely feel the impact as well.
And so the fuck what.
My boss is a wonderful woman. I remarked to my mother that working for her is like working for family. You can't beat that. Many of my co-workers - likewise. But frankly, who cares? I mean, if the school doesn't re-obtain this funding and starts to suffer for it, it won't be the worst thing (in my view) because my only gain from it is a pittance of a weekly paycheck.
I'm over-reacting to some degree, of course. I just came off of a weekend where I completed work on photo installations for a world-premiere of a play, met two muralists, and appeared at a reading where I was a part of the creative arts world - not just a pencil-pushing, spreadsheet-generating, number-crunching, data miner. I did what I loved and people liked it and if not, they still respected me for who I was and what I do. Here, I'm just someone they can replace easily if they need to.
So of course, this falls into the category of narcissism, and just like that, I'm propelled into an understanding of celebrities and the like who go "Do you know who I am?"
"I don't care about your grant spreadsheet! I'm a photographer whose work will appear in a world-premiere play this very week. Do you know who I am?!"
No one. But still, at this stage of my life, where opportunities are appearing in front of me every single day and where people care about what I have to say and equally so, how I say it, I feel I am only a short time away from casting off the work-a-day shackles and tackling something infinitely more interesting and important in my opinion - my own life...
And so the fuck what.
My boss is a wonderful woman. I remarked to my mother that working for her is like working for family. You can't beat that. Many of my co-workers - likewise. But frankly, who cares? I mean, if the school doesn't re-obtain this funding and starts to suffer for it, it won't be the worst thing (in my view) because my only gain from it is a pittance of a weekly paycheck.
I'm over-reacting to some degree, of course. I just came off of a weekend where I completed work on photo installations for a world-premiere of a play, met two muralists, and appeared at a reading where I was a part of the creative arts world - not just a pencil-pushing, spreadsheet-generating, number-crunching, data miner. I did what I loved and people liked it and if not, they still respected me for who I was and what I do. Here, I'm just someone they can replace easily if they need to.
So of course, this falls into the category of narcissism, and just like that, I'm propelled into an understanding of celebrities and the like who go "Do you know who I am?"
"I don't care about your grant spreadsheet! I'm a photographer whose work will appear in a world-premiere play this very week. Do you know who I am?!"
No one. But still, at this stage of my life, where opportunities are appearing in front of me every single day and where people care about what I have to say and equally so, how I say it, I feel I am only a short time away from casting off the work-a-day shackles and tackling something infinitely more interesting and important in my opinion - my own life...
An Open Window...
I sat down at my desk early this morning with a sense I hadn't experienced in a long time - if ever; a sense of accomplishment. Cleveland has all of a sudden turned into a place of possibility for me - this city, dubbed "foreclosureville" by the New York Times, this city, deemed on life support (if not dead) by many who live here or know of it. This city, rotting from a disease called "The Past", that has the automotive and corporate rats abandoning ship while the crew of artists and small businesspeople work tirelessly to keep it afloat over the financial deep.
I could not imagine, when leaving New York City, the Mecca of American arts & culture, the anointed and supposed land of creative opportunity, and heading for Cleveland, a city pronounced by many these days as DOA, that it would be the place where everything I could want would be. I came to the city that (at the time) was widely accepted to be the fourth poorest in the entire nation, and found a job almost immediately. I quit that job and found another almost immediately after that. They both paid substantially less than I made in NYC, but allowed me to have a standard of living here that was impossible in NYC - even while making 1/4 of my weekly NYC salary.
I've met several artists, all very serious and motivated. In NYC, I managed to meet only a few, and there was such a social ladder-climbing game, that they would only associate with you if they felt you could advance their career. I went from a plankton in an ocean to a perch in a lake. Not a big fish, mind you - but at least swimming and respected - as opposed to drifting on the current at the bottom of the food chain. We hunt together in schools and share the catch, as opposed to fighting each other for it.
In addition, despite the fact that I LOVED my NYC apartment, and we had a lot of space in it, relative to other NY'ers, considering what we paid, I now have an even better apartment (albeit, with one less bedroom and still unfurnished), in a better location (relative to NYC) and I pay just half of what I paid in NY. The equivalent apartment in NYC (in proximity to arts, culture, events and nightlife) would likely be a loft in Chelsea.
And now I reevaluate my plans to move to California. As much as I really want to go for the lifestyle and weather, it'll be the same "people-wise". Here, we have good Summer weather and the people are so much better. Overall, Clevelanders are not as liberal, however, in the particular areas that I frequent, they are.
As of Friday March 6th, I have completed my first professional / credited project with the Cleveland Public Theater, have assisted for a friend on a photo shoot of an American Idol contestant, have met filmmakers, painters and musicians (and have spent meaningful time with them - not just shaken their hands), have met a striking muralist in my lobby who I can't wait to work with, have attended several cultural events I could never afford in NYC, have become friends with the Executive Artistic Director of the Public Theater, and may have a chance to revive my (previously believed-dead) project "Whips & Chains". I did stand-up comedy multiple times at the Cleveland Improv. And all of this is in one year and seven months. I lived, worked and struggled in NYC for 30 years. I have little to show for it.
What adds to the wonder is that Cleveland is not (as many suspect) a po-dunk city (when it comes to arts and culture). The Cleveland Orchestra is one of the "Big Five" American Orchestras (New York , Chicago, Philadelphia, and Boston housing the others). The Cleveland Public Theater is one of the most well-known and respected theaters in the country. Case-Western University is on par with Ivy-League Universities. The Cleveland Institutes of Music and Art and the Cleveland Museum of Art curators and staff are routinely courted by NYC, Chicago and other "Major City" museums and conservatories. In fact, the director of the Cleveland Museum of Art just left to head up the Met in NY. Being at the top of the Cleveland art world puts you a step away from the world market. Not to say that's my interest, but it is to say I was unaware. I married NY before I had sufficiently dated (which happens as a New Yorker).
And so, for possibly the first time in my life, I feel like I'm achieving. I feel happy (that is, as happy as I can be - so this says a lot). I am part of a (slowly) rising power couple in the art community here and that is seductive. Los Angeles? NY? Chicago? Cleveland?
There's a saying (that I'll paraphrase): When life closes a door, it opens a window...
With so many doors closed on me, it's good to slide the pane open, sit on the ledge for once and breathe, watching the workmen repair the broken door below.
I could not imagine, when leaving New York City, the Mecca of American arts & culture, the anointed and supposed land of creative opportunity, and heading for Cleveland, a city pronounced by many these days as DOA, that it would be the place where everything I could want would be. I came to the city that (at the time) was widely accepted to be the fourth poorest in the entire nation, and found a job almost immediately. I quit that job and found another almost immediately after that. They both paid substantially less than I made in NYC, but allowed me to have a standard of living here that was impossible in NYC - even while making 1/4 of my weekly NYC salary.
I've met several artists, all very serious and motivated. In NYC, I managed to meet only a few, and there was such a social ladder-climbing game, that they would only associate with you if they felt you could advance their career. I went from a plankton in an ocean to a perch in a lake. Not a big fish, mind you - but at least swimming and respected - as opposed to drifting on the current at the bottom of the food chain. We hunt together in schools and share the catch, as opposed to fighting each other for it.
In addition, despite the fact that I LOVED my NYC apartment, and we had a lot of space in it, relative to other NY'ers, considering what we paid, I now have an even better apartment (albeit, with one less bedroom and still unfurnished), in a better location (relative to NYC) and I pay just half of what I paid in NY. The equivalent apartment in NYC (in proximity to arts, culture, events and nightlife) would likely be a loft in Chelsea.
And now I reevaluate my plans to move to California. As much as I really want to go for the lifestyle and weather, it'll be the same "people-wise". Here, we have good Summer weather and the people are so much better. Overall, Clevelanders are not as liberal, however, in the particular areas that I frequent, they are.
As of Friday March 6th, I have completed my first professional / credited project with the Cleveland Public Theater, have assisted for a friend on a photo shoot of an American Idol contestant, have met filmmakers, painters and musicians (and have spent meaningful time with them - not just shaken their hands), have met a striking muralist in my lobby who I can't wait to work with, have attended several cultural events I could never afford in NYC, have become friends with the Executive Artistic Director of the Public Theater, and may have a chance to revive my (previously believed-dead) project "Whips & Chains". I did stand-up comedy multiple times at the Cleveland Improv. And all of this is in one year and seven months. I lived, worked and struggled in NYC for 30 years. I have little to show for it.
What adds to the wonder is that Cleveland is not (as many suspect) a po-dunk city (when it comes to arts and culture). The Cleveland Orchestra is one of the "Big Five" American Orchestras (New York , Chicago, Philadelphia, and Boston housing the others). The Cleveland Public Theater is one of the most well-known and respected theaters in the country. Case-Western University is on par with Ivy-League Universities. The Cleveland Institutes of Music and Art and the Cleveland Museum of Art curators and staff are routinely courted by NYC, Chicago and other "Major City" museums and conservatories. In fact, the director of the Cleveland Museum of Art just left to head up the Met in NY. Being at the top of the Cleveland art world puts you a step away from the world market. Not to say that's my interest, but it is to say I was unaware. I married NY before I had sufficiently dated (which happens as a New Yorker).
And so, for possibly the first time in my life, I feel like I'm achieving. I feel happy (that is, as happy as I can be - so this says a lot). I am part of a (slowly) rising power couple in the art community here and that is seductive. Los Angeles? NY? Chicago? Cleveland?
There's a saying (that I'll paraphrase): When life closes a door, it opens a window...
With so many doors closed on me, it's good to slide the pane open, sit on the ledge for once and breathe, watching the workmen repair the broken door below.
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