What to Make of Things?

Disclaimer: Over time, this Blog has gone from a place to post essays and articles to a more of a journaling function. I still write essays, but keep the aforementioned in mind, in regards to consistency of style.

This morning, around 7:30am, I saw a "Facebook Memory" from four years ago, where I mention presently having dinner with Producer David Levy (Gosford Park, The Player). I remember that dinner. I was in attendance with several others. To name just a couple, there was my ex-fianceé and colleague Simone Barros, and my Faculty Coordinator Miriam Bennett. Several of my then-students were also present. We had just screened The Player at the college and I had made a stupid comment about the film reminding me of Woody Allen's Crimes & Misdemeanors. The comparison in itself wasn't stupid, I just stated it poorly. Having made it past that and having been invited to dinner, I felt in a pretty good place, in many respects.

Many things were going wrong in my life at that time. Some have been rectified. Some haven't. However, many things were going well too; not the least of which was having dinner with a Hollywood producer.

The FB Memory made me think though. At the time, in 2013, I could not envision so much of what has happened since. Simone is no longer in my life. She's with someone I would not have expected (or chosen, though he's kind and smart enough). I'm not teaching. I haven't made it to grad school. I don't know if I will. I live in New York City. Again. I work as a grip. Again. I began (and ended) a relationship with someone other than Simone. Then began another relationship - while still with the second person. I never imagined I would be inclined to cheat on a woman, but I did.

I also now identify as Polyamorous, which I think I always was but never admitted due to stigma.

I make more money than I've ever made, and more than many. I've reconnected with friends with whom I thought our relationship a lost cause.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at, but I do know one thing: in 2013, I had no vision of any of these things. I had an idea of what my future was, and it didn't include any of those things I mentioned. I thought I'd have a relatively new graduate degree in photography in hand, living out west, perhaps. I thought Simone would be doing much the same, the two of us working artists, paying our bills through teaching, continuing our mentorship of students and apprentices. I thought I'd have completed my script and would be actively working on my photoessay.

Today, Simone directs audiobooks for Simon & Schuster, and is working on a pair of documentary films, among other projects. She has that partner to support her. It's not me.

Today, I work on most of your favorite New York-produced TV and Netflix shows. I'm friends with and workshopping with a decorated TV writer, and looking at producing a documentary of my own as well as a narrative series, and planning / prepping for long-term international travels.

I can't say that I'm any happier. In fact, I'm not, really, but things are tangibly better. Intangibly, I'm not sure.

Anyway, #Life?